Love is one of the most confusing concepts in life. When you look back on your past relationships, do you see the love that was there? Or do you see the fights, the hurt feelings, or the broken hearts? You have to decide what love is for you.

Romantic love encompasses a whole range of positive and strong psychological and emotional states, from pure joy and blissful affection, the purest intimate physical desire, to the simplest sexual pleasure. It seems that our human nature is designed to crave affection and approval, regardless of our shortcomings or vices. This explains why we find so many people falling in love with someone they barely know or care about. Conversely, it also explains the reason why those same people are often repelled by others who are more passionate, focused, and driven in their interests and activities.

In order to understand your own love style and which emotion may be driving your love life, you need to reflect on your own likes and dislikes, as well as on the interests and activities of your partner. The easiest way to do this is to take some time apart from each other. Think about the happiest moment you’ve had together, either with your children, or when you shared an adventure together. This will help you to identify your “love style” and determine which of these extreme emotional states is dominant in your relationship.

Love can also be fueled by strong feelings of affection for one another, and a desire to spend time with one another. In fact, one of the greatest benefits of love is spending time with your partner, because this helps to recharge your batteries. As well, constant touch and attention is beneficial for one’s well-being and emotional well-being. If you feel that you spend too much time caring and cleaning up after your partner, or if you are constantly seeking their approval, then you may have a love issue and are not feeling as emotionally connected as you should. In order to find out whether you are living your lives in accordance with your values and ideals, you need to examine your behavior and talk to your partner about it.

You may have noticed that all of your fondest childhood memories include times when you were simply with a family member or friend. While those are the moments you treasure most, these “couches” of intimacy with a parent, sibling, or close friend may quickly fade to be replaced by intense feelings of affection for someone other than the intended recipient. Children begin forming these negative attachments before they have the ability to talk, and often continue into adulthood. Parents who do not provide appropriate affection and attention are likely to create the need for unhealthy relationships, such as infidelity.

As you can see, all of us experience different forms of love throughout our lives. Some people are more into physical intimacy, while others prefer the more intimate forms of loving relationships, such as the feelings generated by romantic love. If you feel that you are lacking in intimacy, talk to your partner about your needs and about how you can start developing that special connection with another person. You never know, it just might spark your relationship back to the love it once had. Remember, even if it wasn’t the love of your life that ended, it can definitely help boost your romantic love life.