Love is an elusive concept. Is it a feeling, a state of being, or a choice? How much control do you have over falling in or out of it, and how do you sustain it?

The question of what love is and how you should treat it has been debated by philosophers and writers throughout the ages. Today, there are many different perspectives on love, each influenced by the world in which you live and the ideas and experiences that shape your life.

A prevailing view of love among psychologists is that it’s a natural human emotion fueled by hormonal and neurological triggers. A chemical reaction in your brain happens when you’re around a person that you love, which creates feelings of attraction and affection. These feelings can vary from arousal and excitement to comfort and trust. The emotional response can change over time, as your relationship matures. But if these feelings are all that defines love, then you would have no more control over loving someone than you’d have over falling into a hole.

In the Enlightenment period, when concepts of reason and individuality took hold, people began to see love in a more pragmatic light. They saw it as a tool for political marriages and alliances, and for strengthening society. They also saw it as a way to improve the self. This more practical understanding of love shifted the way people thought about relationships.

During the same period, scientists and psychologists began to study the biological aspects of love. They studied what happens in the brain when people are attracted to each other, and how that relates to the way they think about each other. They compared the biological drives of love with other mammalian emotions like hunger and thirst, and they analyzed how hormones and neurotrophins influence love.

While these studies have given us valuable information, they don’t tell the whole story about what love really is. In order to get a deeper sense of what it feels like to be in love, you have to look for signs and witness actions that demonstrate the qualities of true love.

For example, you might notice a couple who are in love taking the time to nurture their relationship through regular date nights and communication. You might also witness a friend or family member standing by a loved one who is struggling to change destructive behaviors. This is a demonstration of a love that is both a desire to see the person move toward healthier patterns and a delight in that person as a unique creature of God.

The Bible offers an even more comprehensive understanding of love than these scientific and philosophic interpretations. The biblical definition of love is a selfless, sacrificial commitment to the well-being of others, reflecting the nature of God’s love for His children. This is the kind of love that Jesus Christ exemplified in his teachings, his life and his ultimate sacrifice on the cross.