For millennia, philosophers, prophets and poets have debated and theorized about love. Even scientists have struggled to explain it. Some have defined it as feelings like attraction and pleasure, or the way that a person makes you feel, but others believe that love is something much more. It is a practice of connecting with another person, based on shared values and standards such as empathy, respect, vulnerability, honesty and, if Velleman is right, boundless love for all humanity.

When we fall in love, our bodies are affected by a jumble of chemicals including dopamine, adrenaline and norepinephrine, which is why our cheeks might flush, our palms might sweat, or our hearts may race. As we bond and move into the attachment phase, these chemicals are replaced with oxytocin, the hormone that causes you to feel a rush of affection when you cuddle. In this stage, our emotions and thoughts become more focused on the other person and we often think about them all the time.

During this stage, we may also experience intense feelings of loyalty and dedication, especially when it comes to our close relationships. This is when we might want to make long-term commitments or sacrifice anything for our loved ones, and in some cases it can lead us to do dangerous things that we might not normally consider. However, if you can slow down and take a step back, it is usually possible to gain perspective and assess whether the risks outweigh the benefits of your decision.

In the more mature phase of love, the hormones that drive lust and attraction are replaced with oxytocin, which is linked to trust, safety and security. This is when we develop a deeper understanding of each other’s values, personalities and experiences, and when we might share our deepest secrets and fears with each other. This is when we can truly begin to know and support each other, as well as grow into our best selves together.

Some people in love prefer to demonstrate their love through acts of service, such as bringing you soup when you’re sick or helping with a difficult chore. This type of love language is rooted in a sense of obligation and the need to give back, which is why it’s important to ask your partner what their preferred expressions of love are.

The most important factor in a loving relationship is a deep curiosity about your partner’s lives, dreams and experiences. This shows that you genuinely care about them and their needs. You can show your interest by asking thoughtful questions, actively listening and remembering details about them. This level of intimacy is what true love is all about.

Love is a complex and complicated subject, but it’s one that inspires many stories, novels, movies and TV shows. Watching scenes between characters in love can be an effective way to get a feel for the nuances of the emotion, and you can pay attention to how they speak, act and react around each other. You can also learn from the stories of real couples and friends, or by reading famous essays on love by authors such as Jane Austen and Oscar Wilde.