The love of a good partner, a cherished pet or a lifelong friend might not be as dramatic as the passionate, euphoric feelings associated with romantic love, but it still has the power to change our lives. That’s because the experience of love — or at least the perception of it — changes the way we think and behave. And it’s a profoundly complex experience.

The term “love” is so universally recognized that it may feel like it has a single definition, but this is not the case. From a biological perspective, love can be seen as a mammalian drive, much like hunger or thirst, that is fueled by hormones and neurotransmitters, such as dopamine, adrenaline and oxytocin. But a psychological view of love is more complex, including a combination of altruistic and selfish motivations.

Scientific research has found that the brain is flooded with a jumble of chemicals, such as dopamine and norepinephrine, when we fall in love. This combination creates a feeling of euphoria and pleasure, causing our hearts to race and our palms to sweat. It’s this rush that explains why we’re so captivated by our new love interest – and often can’t stop thinking about them, even when they aren’t around.

When we’re in the first stage of love, an area of the brain called the ventral tegmental area lights up like a city skyline at night, releasing dopamine and causing us to crave the person we are in love with. This explains why we can’t stop thinking about them and may even find their quirks to be endearing. It’s this yearning that can make us obsess over our partners, rereading their text messages in the middle of work or envisioning future plans together days in advance.

As relationships progress, the lustful love of erotic love can give way to a more mature form of affection, known as storge love. Those high on this form of love prioritize shared interests, value mutual respect and are comfortable with intimacy.

While there is some genetic variation in how people develop different love styles, these differences are mostly due to a person’s personality and past relationship experiences. For example, individuals who endorse dark traits such as narcissism and psychopathy are more likely to prefer erotic love, while those who are insecure and need lots of validation tend to choose ludus love.

It’s important to remember that true love is not simply a feeling but a commitment to another person. This commitment must include caring for the well-being of that person, as well as yourself. It also involves a willingness to accept the person you are in love with, even when they engage in behaviors you may consider to be toxic or destructive. For instance, when a spouse struggles with addiction or other unhealthy behaviors, it’s still possible to love that person, provided you commit to helping them move toward more positive patterns of behavior. This is an essential element of the Imago Dialogue approach, which helps couples build safety and understanding so they can grow into a more loving relationship.