For millennia, philosophers, prophets and poets have discussed and argued about love—what it is and how to cultivate it. Scientists, on the other hand, have been more reluctant to study it explicitly, preferring instead to explore human bonding through the lens of social and psychological phenomena like attachment, jealousy and lust. But in recent decades, researchers have begun to open up about the importance of love in promoting well-being, bridging divides and contributing to a life that is good and meaningful.

Love can take many forms, ranging from the deep bonding with a close family member to the camaraderie of friendships, or the butterflies from romantic feelings. It enriches our lives, supports us during tough times, and provides a sense of purpose and belonging. It also can be a source of intense emotion, including hope, fear, anxiety and pain. But it’s not always easy to tell when the emotions are a sign of true love, or whether they’re a warning sign of problems in a relationship.

The first question to ask when evaluating a potential relationship is: How does it make you feel? The answer to this will give you a clue about whether or not you’re in the right place. Generally, people who are in a healthy, loving relationship will describe feeling safe and secure. They’ll also talk about a shared sense of accomplishment and pride in their relationship. They’ll want to keep the person close to them and protect them from harm. And they’ll want to spend time together doing activities that they both enjoy.

In contrast, people in toxic relationships might describe feeling overwhelmed, anxious and a lack of control over the future of the relationship. They might even experience physical symptoms, such as stomach aches or headaches. In addition, they may feel a sense of insecurity that reaches beyond the boundaries of their current relationship—insecurities that can affect their mental health and future relationships.

To find love, you have to be willing to let it in. You have to surrender to it, not just with your heart but with your mind and body as well. That means opening yourself up to be vulnerable, allowing yourself to be hurt, and trusting that the person you’re with will treat you fairly and respect you.

And that’s not an easy task, especially when you’re dealing with someone who is unable to change their bad habits or self-destructive patterns. But it’s possible to love a person who has bad habits, or who has a mental illness, and work toward helping them change for the better. It takes a lot of effort and patience, but it’s worth it in the long run. It’s a form of love that can last a lifetime. And that’s a beautiful thing.